I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
