I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
