I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
