Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
