he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
