good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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