he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
