There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
