did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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