What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
