his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
