ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
