Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
