she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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