I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We have so much sex to catch up on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
