Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
