it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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