I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
