I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
