I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Everyone says I win the strip club
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
