Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
