All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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