I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
