I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
