peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
