You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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