I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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