i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
