Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
