I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
