She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
