Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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