So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
