We won't sleep together?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
