i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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