there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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