So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
