I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
porn star boner night. come get it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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