Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize