I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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