Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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