just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
