Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
