And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
