Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
