dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
