She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
