i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
