Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
