I don't think brook has ever known best
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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