White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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