I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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