Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
