you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
