What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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