NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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