Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
