I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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