I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
