I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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