we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
