apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
