I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
