I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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