Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
