He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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