You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
